Anger, a mere emotional expression of force

I go, I will feel safer. For me, right now this is the better option.

I linger just a little longer. Am I just imagining this? Why am I feeling unsafe? What is really happening here?

My choice is gone. An explosion already disrupts my thoughts. What is going on? How did I step into this? I merely asked a question and walked into a minefield. This is definitely not good. Whatever I do now, the attack will leave me with hurt. I feel battered and bruised. No, you cannot see any physical bruises. They are on the inside. My heart aches!

Now I know it. I’ve stepped into someone’s field of anger! It hurts even more when I love this person. What now happens to my love, my admiration for this person? The bruises may heal. I’m left with a loss. I’ve lost a portion of my love. That hurts too. Not only do I now need to attend to my bruises, but I also now need to figure out how I’m going to rebuild and re-connect after the walk through the minefield.

Anger is a destructive force. It is a very normal emotion in our range of emotions.

How does anger serve us? Why is it a healthy emotion?

Anger as a healthy emotion allows us to recognise an unspoken barrier having been crossed. It thus serves us as a protection from being invaded. It is a fence, or as I would call it, a de-fence mechanism. It sets about a chemical defence reaction in your body that is equivalent to fight, flight or freeze. Recognising it as such would serve you well.

Owning up and taking responsibility for this feeling of anger allows you to make a choice.

Do you want to fight? Do you want to attack the situation, which is too big and you feel helpless in overcoming it? Is your anger so ready for a fight that it needs to be expressed to the next person in the room, even if it is someone you love dearly?

Do you want to run away? Not confronting the situation and getting as far away from it as possible may be better?

Do you just want to stay stuck in your anger, sulk and refuse to communicate with those around you who know that something is wrong, yet getting no answers?

How can anger be a healthy emotion if the choice of expression ends up with hurt feelings all around?

How can the emotion of anger be expressed in a safe manner?

Anger management starts by owning the feeling. It is your and only your feeling at this point. Yes, it already contains the destructive energy. The question now is “How can this anger become a guiding or healing force?” This effectively means not immediately giving in to the control of the anger over you, but your ability to control the force of the anger. How can you create a safety zone for yourself to keep others and your loved one’s safe too? Is that at all possible? Yes, it is!

If anger creates pain and destruction, then it was originally created from and through pain and destruction to you. At the point when the anger comes up as an emotion – and especially if it is instant without a thought process being followed – there is no time to reflect on the origin of this high emotion of pain. It just is what it expresses in that millisecond moment.

Anger can be a motivator and guiding force towards change. In the positive, in business, as well as in relationships, new strategies can be formed to disperse the challenges. As an example:- my anger at not being able to walk and the frustrations around it may motivate me to do something to find a way of getting a walking aid such as wheel chair. I may still be angry at not being able to walk, but with the wheel chair I can move about. The motivation to get the wheel chair will also have created a new success pattern not within the previous frame of reference.

Take a look at yourself and ask yourself if you use your emotion of anger as a positive force or as a destructive force.

Which should it be?

What is your view?

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